Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
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