is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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