you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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