i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
