Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize