I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
she looked like the before picture.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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