i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
