You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
