For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
