So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I love having hate sex.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
