It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize