A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
third nipple confirmed
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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