if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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