Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
