Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
