; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
