Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You pole danced in your parka.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
The power of my boobs compel you
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My feet surprised me
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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