Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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