What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
My feet surprised me
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