Too much gin, very little bucket
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
