so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
