i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
