The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
