I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
