If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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