I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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