I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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