Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
