Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
