he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he told me I talked like a deaf person
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
