My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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