Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize