I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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