I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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