I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
