Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
