I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
