we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
