i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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