did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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