When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize