I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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