I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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