Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
