id be glad to
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
