I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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