Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
