Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Randomize
