The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I stole a fireplace last night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
