I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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