you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
