Whats the glycemic index on semen?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
