Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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