I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize