This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm sobbing to NWA
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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