I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
