I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
