Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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