I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
