thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
