How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
