i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
