remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
