FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
