Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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