it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
