Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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