I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
