Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
