I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
