I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
