I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
