I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
