We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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