If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
