Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
